Touchmark Post

Peculiar way to start a blog about retirement issues, you say? Yes, I agree, but let me explain.

In considering this blog, I used a Stephen Covey concept to start. Stephen Covey would say in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that I should “begin with the end in mind” (the second step). So I asked myself, if at the end of my life there was one thing that I could have made better because I was here, what would that one thing be? I imagined a world where people of all ages are treated with respect, allowed a valued voice and encouraged to strive toward, even realize, their potential, regardless of their chronological number.

That got me to thinking, “what can I possibly have to say about growing older gracefully?” What can a person of nearly 50 say about life as an older person? (Especially since each decade ahead of me seems quite a bit younger to me than it did just a decade ago.) I could guess, but that’s something like the fellow giving directions that hasn’t yet seen the map. If I ask you the question above, you might assume that you know the answer, too. Do men like baby talk? But the very fact that I could guess what men like or don’t like when I am not a man is presumptive.

Further, even if one is a man, he cannot possibly speak for all men, since each human being is unique, never before and never again duplicated in this world.

So I decided to go to a source. I asked some mature adults, retirees, seniors, or as I refer to them “young people who have just been here longer than I have” three initial questions:

• Do men like baby talk?
• Do you like baby talk?
• Do you ever use baby talk?

To my surprise, the answers varied.

Lesson number 1: Find out the answer by asking not by guessing. Nine out of 10 men polled said they thought men did not like baby talk. One fellow admitted without embarrassment that he is sentimental, and he was confident that there are other men who occasionally enjoy a little sweet-talking, tender-worded baby talk, especially if the baby talk is spoken by a spouse, a lover, or an affectionate child.

Most men said they do not like baby talk. Not a big surprise, but the second lesson was hidden within.

Lesson number 2: Make sure you understand the terms being used before you respond. Nearly every man polled seemed puzzled by the question. Only some of them clarified before answering. If I meant “oochie-coochie-smoochie-pie” as baby talk, the answer was emphatic: No. One gentleman stated that “people just don’t speak to me with that kind of language.” But another man clarified that if I meant terms of endearment that were used toward him, he had to admit that in more than 50 years of married life, his wife only called him by his actual name when she was upset with him. He far preferred the sweet term she used more often.

Lastly, the question that met with the most discomfort and even an actual laugh at times, “Do you use baby talk?” One fellow who believed men do not like baby talk and stated he personally didn’t like it had to admit sheepishly that he used the sometimes syrupy language and tone with his pets. He even enjoyed doing so. He wanted it noted that he rarely used baby talk in the presence of others and certainly never toward another man.

Lesson 3: We can choose when and how to do things that seem less than desirable at first glance.

Now what does all of this have to do with older adults? What does aging really look like? Where are the answers regarding how to get mom to move? What is true quality of life? What does excellent customer service look like to an older adult? How can I keep from losing my cool with my father?

It seems the three lessons apply there, too:
1. Find out the answer by asking the source not by guessing.
2. Make sure you understand the terms being used before you respond.
3. We can choose when and how to do things that seem less than desirable at first glance.

As I entertain future posts to this blog, these three lessons will guide what is said. May you remember the lessons of baby talk as you age and as you treat those who are further ahead in this thing called life. For more on Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, click the link: www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits-habit2.php